Sunday, August 31, 2008

Haruki Murakami Drops Knowledge on Me

"It's not a question of better or worse. The point is, not to resist the flow. You go up when you're supposed to go up and down when you're supposed to go down. When you're supposed to go up, find the highest tower and climb to the top. When you're supposed to go down, find the deepest well and go down to the bottom. When there's no flow, stay still. If you resist the flow, everything dries up. If everything dries up, the world is darkness...Abandon the self, and there you are." - page 51 in The Wind-Up Bird Chronicle by Haruki Murakami

This is not an entirely new concept so as much it is a hard-earned one, what I hate to but will call a life lesson because I believe it comes with experience. Simply put, it means there is a time for everything. But it's just written so well and presented in a slightly different perspective.

We all like to be up in our lives, don't we? A friend of mine said life is all about striving towards something, and my brother once advised me to "enjoy the struggle." But the simple truth is, everyone wants to be on the up and up (if not already at the top). No one wants to be on the f*cking down and down, or down and out, or hit rock f*cking bottom. That's called depression, debt, bankrupcy, prison, being a loser. Is it not? Or perhaps I should say, is that not usually how we perceive it?

But to think that it's not only necessary and purposeful but actually meant to be (everything for a f*cking reason)...I can't help but take comfort in that. It makes me feel...well, like less of a failure, of a f*ck up. Like maybe I've been doing the right thing all along, 'cause I'm always doing the best that I can do in any situation, even if I do have a tendency sometimes to look back and think I should have done things differently, better. "If I do or did this, I'd have a better this..." better relationships, better friendships, better finances, cars, houses, toys, etc. overall better life/lifestyle. But that's a fallacy of the human mind (as shaped by our society) or ego...because there is no better, there simply just is.

It's a comfort to me to think that I am where I am because that's where I need to be, regardless of whether it's up, down, or simply still, and it's where I should be. I have always reveled in my ups, crashed when I'm down...and lately, I've been learning how to stay still (which is a lesson in many aspects for me, but also a way for me to steep into faith and practice patience).

If nothing else, I'd say that passage is something I find comforting when I find myself gravitating towards feelings of regrets, of the many things I've done in the past or things I haven't done or things I wish I had done or done differently (even in just one day or single conversation or course of a few minutes!). In the end, all you can do is follow the flow of your life, of things and people surrounding you, and do your best according to your own standards and ability. That's just one way of growth.

"Faith is not something to grasp, it is a state to grow into." - Gandhi

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